Funny Read

I was sent this entertaining read by a friend who works at another agency and thought it was funny.

Advertising Speak Demystified

If you meet someone who says they work in marketing - run.

If you meet someone who says they work in advertising - run faster.

In the case that you are tricked and cornered (cuz let's face it, we're clever) by one of these ambitious "go-getter" types, here are some helpful definitions of phrases that you can use to understand just what the fuck he or she is talking about.~

"We provide integrated services for our clients." Translation:Basically, we don't do anything particularly well. Because we don't do anything particularly well, we have to hire other people and other companies (we call this our "network") to do something that doesn't suck or make you ask why we added the extra zero on the last invoice. We aren't cool - but we know people who are. In the words of Eazy E, "Pimping ain't easy," and because of this we are going to pull a Kobe Bryant on yo wallet.~

"We take a hollistic approach to...[insert person, place, or thing]" Translation:We have meetings. But before we have meetings, we have pre-meetings to decide the best possible time for given meeting. Alas, before the pre-meeting can possibly happen, a team will be assembled (making sure first, that the team has a clever name) to discuss objectives for the pre-meeting including type of beverages to be provided, restaurant which will cater, and discovering how many people so-and-so slept with last year. Speaking of Hollister, Genie in account services is wearing her daughter's clothes again.~"We LOVE it!!"Translation:"We hate it."~

"That concept needs a little more flushing" Translation:We are going to ask you to remove one extra whitespace character between the end of that sentence and the start of the next sentence. We now have producing credit of your work and you must pay us for our input.~

Viral Marketing Definition: A collection of non-descript, ambiguous, and often crass (my favorite part) ads which when put together, create a mystical "Campaign." Viral marketing is best compared to Voltron. Voltron's right leg is a fucking banner ad. His right arm is a television commercial. His pancreas is a print advertisement. Each of the individual pieces are generally weak and can't stand on their own. Viral marketing only works when all the messages finally come together at the end. Like Voltron (or similarly the Power Rangers) this doesn't happen until the very end of the fucking episode, by which time I have changed channels and found Hawaiin Tropic Girls on E!. This begs the question: we this didn't Voltron assemble into the giant machine at the very fuckin beginning? I have no answers. only questions.

I hope this was educational.